Anti-Valentine's Day 2003
The Groopie Files: The Anti-Valentine's Day Revolution
It was a typical Thursday morning, and Indy and her sidekick Flower were hanging in the local coffeehouse.
Kater: Hold on, I thought TK
was your sidekick...
TomKatt: Yeah, or Padmé...
Padmé: Why aren't you at college?
Hollyberry: What about me?!
Flower: Wait a tic, what coffeehouse?
Gusto: Aww, you can be my sidekick, Hollyberry.
Indy: SHH!! This is "Indyland", where she gets to be with her
friends, and she doesn't have to go to college, and there's actually a good
'local coffeehouse'. TK is taking Kater for a joyride in a jet, and Padmé
and Hollyberry are at the mall. (Plus, it was Flower's birthday on
February 1st, so she gets to be the sidekick).
Everyone else: Ohh...
Anyways... as Indy sips her chai, she glares at the table.
Indy: You know what tomorrow is?
Flower: ... Friday?
Indy: Well, yes, but it is also February the 14th. *dun dun dun!*
Flower: Arg, not that!
Indy: Yes... there will be candy hearts, and flowers, and a running popularity
contest, and sappy boyfriend-girlfriend scenes. And all because of those
darn greeting card companies!
*both sulk*
Indy: Stupid hearts.
Flower: Stupid scenes.
Indy: Stupid Valentine's Day.
*in the background*
Padmé: Oooo, Boromir! *squeals*
Others: SHH!!
Flower: We have to stop it!
*pounds fist on table, spilling Indy's chai* Ooops, sorry.
Indy: That's okay... but yes! We should stop Valentine's Day, thus making
room for the one, true holiday: Anti-Valentine's Day!
TK: If there's no Valentine's
Day, how can there be an Anti-Valentine's Day?
Kater: *nods* The cosmic balance will be destroyed!
Indy: ... fine. Why don't we just cause some evil mayhem?
Everyone else: YAY!!
Indy: Umm, I mean, we should cause
some evil mayhem!
Flower: Riiight...
*both think*
Indy: I've got a plan...
Flower: I'll get the raccoon and the grapefruit...
Indy: No! Not that plan.
Flower: Paper plate and eggplant?
Indy: No.
Flower: Blast!
Indy: This will require more stealth than an eggplant... to the Groopie Cave!
*swoosh*
Padmé: Wait, you're wearing
capes?
Kater: Yeah, where'd the "swoosh" noise come from?
Indy: Umm... yes... invisible capes.
Gusto: Riiiight, Indy.
Flower: Shh! We'll never finish the story... and I have actual dialogue!
*in the Cave*
Flower: So, let me get this straight... through a fusion of air attacks and the
use of the invisibility ducky, we will eliminate all Valentine's Day
merchandise?
Indy: Right.
Kater: "Invisibility
ducky"?
Padmé: Duh, "Muppets from Space"...
Flower: But where will we get the
supplies?
Indy: *opens her locker and an assortment of rubber ducks tumbles out, squeaking
and quacking* Invisibility duckies... check.
Flower: And the air strikes?
Indy: *looks at the monitor where TK's jet is being tracked with a
"duh..." look on her face*
Flower: Right then. What about people who bought gifts ahead of time?
Indy: Do any of the people you see celebrating Valentine's Day look like they'd
buy gifts ahead of time?
Flower: Good point. But there are a lot of stores out there...
Indy: We're going to need a bigger group.
Padmé: *Ding!* Spielberg
reference!
Hollyberry: *drum hits*
Later, after Flower and Indy had gathered the Groopies, the cyber Groopies, and Indy's cyber minions and sent them out into the world...
Indy: So, we've sent out the
brigade to begin making all the merchandise disappear. Meanwhile, TK is
systematically shutting down all transport of merchandise. All things
Valentine's Day will be stopped! Mua ha ha haaa!
Flower: Mua ha ha haaa!
Indy: MUA HA HA HA HAAA!
Flower: MUA HA HA HA HAAA!
Evil Sock Gnome: Mua ha ha hehe!
*Indy and Flower turn and glare.*
Evil Sock Gnome: Eeep! *runs away*
Flower: So now what?
Indy: We wait.
Kater: Hey, that's from a
movie, right?
Hollyberry: I think so...
TK: What movie?
Padmé: Arg, I don't know!
Hollyberry: Hehe, Indy would know...
Padmé: Would not!
Hollyberry: Would too!
Padmé: Indy, do you know what movie that is from?
Indy: Umm... yes.
Padmé: Ha! You don't know, do you!
Kater: Hehe, Indy's stumped...
Indy: *clears throat* Moving along...
Later, the communication system beeps...
Flower: Yes? Over.
Hollyberry: Hi dee ho, G.C. We've a slight problem here. It is
nearly shopping rush, and we have yet to clear even one mall! Over.
*another beep*
Indy: Groopie Cave. Over.
Kater: Indy, man, we're working fast, but there's just too much! What do
we do?! Over.
*yet another beep*
Padmé: Too... much... merchandise. Feeling..... sleepy..... urgggg.....
*clunking and crashing as Padméfalls down* Over.
Indy: Pixies! Operation Anti-V Day is going down in flames!
Flower: Arg, what can we do?
Indy: I don't know. *dun dun dun!*
Indy: *looks around for a second confused, then shakes head and continues*
There's just too much of it... and you're right. People probably already
have gifts or are going to make things! Arg! *puts head down
on control panel*
*suddenly* Computer Voice that Sounds Oddly Like Shawn: Ten Seconds to Self
Destruct... 8... 7...
Indy & Flower: SHIT!!
*randomly pushing buttons*
Computer: Self Destruct Averted...
Indy & Flower: *whew!*
Flower: I told you that we shouldn't have one of those...
Indy: What if aliens invaded and tried to take over the Groopie Cave? Or
security was breeched by hoochies? Or even worse, the gangsta-wannabes?!
Flower: Well... I suppose... but maybe we should make there be a code you have
to put in too.
Indy: Yeah...
Flower: Anyways... I didn't want to say this... but I have something that might
help.
They go into one of the back rooms, where there is a large machine with many tubes and computer panels.
Indy: Wow... what is it?
Flower: Well, Yllom helped me out with the science theory... but here, let me
show you. *pushes buttons*
The machine whirs to life, bubbles, clacks, and clatters. Eventually, with a hiss, a ball of fur pops out of the end. It unrols and blinks two large black eyes at them, flipping its antennae and babbling. It looks suspiciously familiar...
Indy: Stitch?!
Flower: Well, I saw it in the movies and couldn't resist...
Indy: Why didn't you tell me?!
Flower: Well, it has its flaws... after about a day, they turn into sofa
cushions.
Indy: Sofa cushions?
Flower: Genetic glitch... *shrugs* Yllom and Dingo are working on it.
Indy: Where are those two anyways?
Flower: I don't know... they disappeared last week, muttering something about
"cold fusion"... some mumbo jumbo like that.
Indy: Riiight... so how will he help?
Flower: Destruction... mayhem... everyone's left shoe. Need I say more?
Indy: Excellent... *steeples fingers* How many can we create?
Flower: As many as we want... just keep in mind that they will become sofa
cushions after a day.
Indy: Well, at least we'll get a good day out of them...
Flower: Mua ha heh heh...
Indy: Mua ha ha ha!
Flower: MUA HA HA--
Computer: Will you two bloody stop?!
*Indy and Flower look upwards*
Indy: Did the computer just...?
Flower: ... yeah...
*both just stare blankly for a few minutes at each other*
Indy: Anyways...
Flower: Yeah...
The two Groopies begin creating Stitch replicas and releasing them into the wild ("the wild" meaning "malls, schools, fancy restaurants, and romantic get-aways")
Flower: Go, my pretties!
Eeeehe he he hee!
Indy: Mua ha ha haa... evil Stitches, away!!
Evil work done for the day, the two call in the Groopies and minions and retire for movies and sugar.
The next day...
People run around, being chased by evil, caffeine-charged balls of fur, their
left shoes missing completely. The sounds of evil mayhem fill the
air. "Oh no!" "Who could have done such a
thing?!" "The horror! The horror!"
*The Groopies high-five one
another.*
Indy: This rules...
TK: Yeah...
Kater: But... he stole my shoe!
Flower: Well worth it! *laughs as a gangsta-wannabe runs past, trying to
keep from tripping over his oversized pants*
And thus, Anti-Valentine's Day was saved and evil mayhem was preserved, thanks to... the Groopies! And the cyber minions! And the evil replicate Stitches!
Flower: So, one question... why
does the computer sound like Shawn?
Indy: I have no idea. *tries to look innocent*
TK: Hey, where is Shawn?
Padmé: *thinks* Wasn't he in the freezer?
Hollyberry: No, he was out... he was at the hospital when Gusto was sick,
remember?
Indy: Oh yeah... *suddenly gets odd look on her face* Hehe...
Padmé: *giggles*
TK: So, where is he?
Gusto: The world may never know...
Will Shawn ever be found? Why does the computer sound like him? And what are we going to do with all these extra sofa cushions tomorrow?! Find out next time on... the Groopie Files.
Page Last Updated: January 13, 2006
The Indy's Lair Collective, all text and graphics © 2001-2008 Rachel "Indy" Gratis, all rights reserved, except where noted otherwise. Firefly © Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Inc., and Twentieth Century Fox.
